Shall we write something morally reprehensible?
Or something that makes readers question their life decisions that led to them reading this?
The answer is, of course: yes.
During the last stream, the subscribers voted that we write the worst story idea.
Watch a short version of the stream here or scroll down for what we wrote.
Let’s Write the WORST Story Idea
- The saying goes that there are no bad ideas, just bad executions… but some ideas are pretty bad
- They can bad in many different ways:
- Morally reprehensible (a teacher/student romance that is portrayed as a good thing)
- Immature (a self-insert story where you are an astronaut doctor lawyer in a world filled with all your favorite anime characters)
- Boring (a story about making chocolate milk, that’s it)
- Impossible (a story that doesn’t use sentences)
Chat was surprisingly great at coming up with some truly horrible ideas for stories. They voted on the ones they liked best, and we ended up writing two of them.
First was horny teacher Barney.
I’m sorry. Here’s what we wrote:
I stood on stage in the school auditorium with the thirty other kids from my class. All the lights were off except for the spotlights shining right on us. We were all dressed in our best outfits and wearing our brightest smiles, because we wanted to show off for our audience. Our audience of one.
Barney the dinosaur. Our teacher. Our idol. Our the only judge for the beauty pageant.
“All right, kids,” Barney said from his front row seat, his massive purple jaw bouncing up and down in rhythm with my heart. “First things first, everyone with dangling earlobes, off the stage, please! Of course you’re all special, but Barney has standards.”
Half the class disappeared into the darkness backstage. Us remaining ones stepped together, so happy that we’d passed the first stage of making Barney proud. I gazed into his big dinosaur eyes and eagerly awaited his next command.
“Okay, kids!” Barney said. “For this one, you chubby lumpkins up there need to listen extra closely. The nurse told me your extra-special weights, and anyone who’s not at least ten-percent under your expected BMI needs to leave immediately! That means you, Billy. And you, Susan. Try not to work up a sweat as you waddle backstage!”
He called out a bunch of others, and with that, only five of us were left. I could feel my smile stretching the skin of my face so hard it hurt. My face, and the rest of me, that I had honed in anticipation for this moment. So many skipped meals, so many extra crunches and push ups. All for Barney.
“Hey there, Timmy!” Barney called, pointing his soft, felt fingers at a boy next to me. My blood froze at him being singled out instead of me.
“Y-yes, barney?” Timmy asked.
“Can you count to three?”
“O-of course. With your help, I’ve learned—”
“Well good because three is your score out of ten! Now get your fat red nose backstage and shove it in my Barney Bag. Maybe you’ll huff up some glitter and choke on it.”
Timmy solemnly left, covering his nose. Only four remained.
“Now then,” Barney said. “I want you to use your imaginations. Close your eyes, and think: have I ever been to a place of worship that wasn’t a Christian church? If you have, then take a step forward.”
My heart broke. I couldn’t use my imagination to think of anything like that at all. Despite all that Barney had taught me, apparently I still wasn’t good enough. I heard two of the other kids step forward, and was ready to embrace my failure.
“All right, open your eyes,” Barney said. He was magically right on stage in front of us, gazing down from his magnificent height. “You two who stepped forward, get your dirty heathen behinds backstage where they belong!”
The two kids cried into their palms as they disappeared, but my heart soared. It was only me and Tammy left. I had a real shot at this!
“Okay, Tammy,” Barney said. “Let’s start with you! Let’s sing a song together. I’ll start, then you repeat after me.”
“Yes, Barney,” Tammy said, the lights in her eyes dazzling. I was jealous that she got to go first, but I would patiently wait my turn. Just like Barney taught me.
“Clean up! Clean up! Everybody everywhere!” Barney sang. “Clean up! Clean up! I’ll take off my underwear.”
The lights in Tammy’s eyes vanished. She started to sing, but her lips were trembling.
“Clean… up. Clean up. Everybody everywhere. Clean up. Clean… up. I’ll take… I’ll take…”
Barney leaned down closer to her and spoke so softly that I could barely hear it.
“You’ll take what, Tammy?”
She burst into tears, sniveling snot as she shook all over.
“But you said, Barney. You said my outfit smelled like Dunakaroos. Why… why do you want me to take it off?”
Barney stood back up and looked over her with his eternally unblinking eyes. “Sorry, Tammy. I thought you were special. But you’ll have to go backstage with everyone else.”
She shuffled away. I was the only one left on stage. The spotlight on just me and Barney, like I’d always imagined.
“Okay,” he said. “This is your chance. Are you ready to sing after me?”
“Yes, Barney,” I said.
“I love you, you love me,” he sang. “Let’s show our love. Touch my body.”
There was not a moment of hesitation in my response. I sang the words back to him, not even because he’d asked me to, but because they were the very same words I sang to myself every day, hoping that they would come true. As natural as breathing, blinking. It wasn’t even my voice doing the singing, but my heart. My heart that belonged to Barney.
He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t need to. He bent over and embraced me, wrapping me in his Barney body. When he spoke, it was so warm and soft it felt like it was coming from inside of me.
“You’re my special friend.”
Barney’s hand descended, serenaded by the sounds of Baby Bop and BJ crunching on the bones of the other children backstage. I would feel sorry for them, never knowing the loving touch of our dinosaur teacher, but right now there was no one else in the world besides Barney and
his very special friend.
Next up was Naruto goes on a school shooting and also everyone’s a sock puppet.
Human civilization has led up to this point. Here’s what we wrote:
Naruto had finally had enough. All of the other students at Konoha Ninja Academy had made fun of him for too long. Today, he was going to show them who was boss.
He burst into the classroom that morning, his entire sock-puppet body wrapped around an Uzi.
“Today, I’m no longer Uzumaki Naruto!” he announced to everyone as they stared in fear on their sock-puppet faces, their button eyes wide with terror. “I’m Uzi-maki Naruto, believe it!”
Before Iruka-sensei could even say a word, Naruto unleashed a spray of bullet-no-jutsu upon the classroom. Choji, the fattest sock puppet, was the first to get hit. Cloth strands spewed from his body as it was punched full of holes, until it lay limp over the desk.
“You baka!” Iruka-sensei yelled, hopping toward Naruto on his sock-puppet feet. He unleashed his giant pipe-cleaner throwing-star at Naruto, but he was too slow. Lead shredded through his soft cotton bits, until he lay flat on the floor, flaccid and bleeding dye.
The other students opened their sock-mouths wide and screamed as yarn spilled across the floor, their soft cotton bodies torn asunder. Ino, Hinata, Neji, Shikamaru… all of them never to be pulled up a foot ever again.
There were only two left: Sockura-chan and Socksuke-kun. Socksuke-kun glared down at Naruto, his dark, brooding button-eyes slightly annoyed with what Naruto had done. Of course he was too cool and edgy to be concerned with anything like this.
“Tsk, so troublesome,” he said, turning away, no longer interested in what was happening.
“Naruto-kun!” Sockura-chan shrieked, puffing out her sock-mouth to its full girth. “How could you do this?”
“It’s because you didn’t go out with me, Sockura-chan!” Naruto yelled back. “If you did, then none of this would’ve ever happened.”
“Oh no,” she cried, spilling tears of lint down her sock-cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Naruto-kun. I’ll definitely go out with you now.”
“Believe it,” he said.
With the power of bullet-no-jutsu, not only did Naruto marry Sockura-chan and they lived happily ever after, but also he became the Hokage just like he dreamed and no one made fun of him ever again.
Except for Socksuke-kun, who always sat ten feet away from Naruto with his arms crossed and slightly glaring. Even when Naruto and Sockura-chan were kissing together and making babies.
“Tsk, so troublesome,” he said, watching them. “You’re such bakas.”
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you join us on Twitch.
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
Featured image: Pakutaso