The third “Just F*cking Write Something!” Story Contest is over and the results are in.
Which stories made the top? Read on to find out!
During the last stream, we held a vote to decide the winners of the 3nd “Just F*cking Write Something!” Story Contest. The prompt was this photo I took:
Abbey and I cut the submissions down to the top five, and then we read all five stories live on stream. Chat then voted on the winners, with the top three getting cash prizes, and the others getting cool prizes too.
Here are the winners:
- “Tunnel Vision” by aerydux (Healing)
- “Clown Show” by Nighthawk1790 (Funny)
- “Rip” by EricaDeel (Fairy Tale)
- “The Lost Passage” by Scorpious187 (Fantasy)
- “The Shady Alcove” by GuacamoleBill (Drama)
Scroll down to read their stories, with some of my thoughts after each:
#1. “Tunnel Vision” by aerydux
Highlight for content warning: abuse
It was a sunny morning in June. Summer was just around the corner, and Stella couldn’t wait to finally be done with fifth grade. She had been sitting in the shade on the playground playing with Cookie, her beloved stuffed cat that her parents constantly insisted she was too old for. She was so absorbed in her playtime that she barely noticed her teacher approaching her.
“Hi Stella, do you want to come on a walk with me?”
Stella loved her teacher. She was kind, gentle, everything Stella’s parents weren’t. She immediately jumped up, Cookie in hand, excited to spend some time with her teacher before the end of the school year.
Her teacher took her hand, and they walked off into the woods across the street from the school. Stella thought it was weird that her teacher wasn’t saying anything, but she’d been on quiet “meditating” walks during health class before, so maybe it was just one of those? Even if she wasn’t talking, Stella had Cookie to keep her company.
After walking in the woods for a while, Stella’s teacher stopped in front of a bridge that had clearly not been used in years. It was crumbling in places, with ivy creeping up the old, worn stone.
But it wasn’t the bridge that caught Stella’s attention. It was the tunnel running beneath it, pitch-black even in the morning sun. It didn’t seem to go anywhere, so maybe it had caved in at some point? Stella’s train of thought was interrupted by her teacher.
“Do you want to see what’s in the tunnel?”
Stella was a little afraid of the dark, but she was with someone she trusted. She nodded, not letting go of the teacher’s hand. It was pitch black in the cave, but Stella could feel her teacher getting closer to her.
“We’re going to play a new game today, just the two of us.”
Cookie fell to the ground.
***
Stella sat bolt upright in bed, her face drenched in an indistinguishable combination of sweat and tears. She was tormented by that dream almost every night. Even when she wasn’t asleep, she would close her eyes and see the bridge and the tunnel, even if just for a moment.
There would be no justice for Stella. Before she could find the words to explain what had happened to her, her teacher had taken her own life. Any hope of closure died with her.
Stella couldn’t take it anymore. It was more than ten years later, and this awful shard of her past was still as sharp as ever. It stabbed her whenever she found herself alone with any older woman, even her own mother. Panic attacks had driven her out of important job interviews, and she was spending her college years under the advisory of the world’s most boring man, the only alternative to the three female advisors offered to her class.
But she was home from college. It was June again. The sun would rise soon. Suddenly gripped with intense motivation, Stella slid out of bed and put on her shoes.
***
Seeing the bridge again immediately made her nauseous. For as often as she went there in her dreams, in her memories, actually standing in front of the place was a completely different experience. She wasn’t sure what she would find in the tunnel, but if she wanted to put the past behind her, it was up to her to face it head-on.
Her heart was pounding, seeming to speed up with each step she took towards the mouth of the tunnel. When she got to the threshold, she was overwhelmed by a flood of memories, more vivid than ever.
We’re going to play a new game today, just the two of us.
Her eyes welled up. Within seconds her whole body was shaking with the force of her weeping. The first coherent thought to emerge from the swirling sea of grief inside her head was that this wasn’t fair. This was supposed to be her big triumphant moment, the moment she regained control over her life after living in fear, guilt, shame, anger, and disgust for years. But she was standing here broken, feeling every bit as fragile as she did when she was ten.
“I needed to be protected! Adults were supposed to keep me safe and they failed!” She was shouting now, in too much pain to care if anyone heard her.
But someone did hear her.
She felt her right hand close around something soft, and she instinctively brought it up to her eyes to dry them off. When she opened her eyes, to her great surprise, she was holding Cookie. But she hadn’t seen Cookie since…
She looked to her right and jumped in surprise when she saw the little girl standing next to her. When did she get here? How did she have Cookie? Why did she look so familia-
Oh.
Stella found herself looking into the exact same eyes she saw in every mirror.
She collapsed onto the ground.
She took the girl’s hands — her hands, and choked out the only words she could muster in between sobs.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish someone had been there to protect you.”
The little girl’s expression shifted to one of resignation. She shook her head solemnly.
“But nobody was.”
Stella was still crying.
“Now that I’m an adult, I feel like it was my responsibility to protect you, too. I failed you. I’m sorry. I’m so-”
Stella was interrupted by the little girl throwing her arms around her neck.
“We both did everything we could.” The little girl was also crying now, her grip on Stella’s neck tightening as if to reassure her.
“But what about me now? Here I am, more than ten years after the fact, still a complete mess. I couldn’t even manage staying strong. This isn’t what you wanted for me.”
The little girl released Stella from her grip and took Stella’s hands in her own, smaller ones.
“It’s not too late. You’re not broken beyond repair, not now, not ever. I know for a fact that you can’t break permanently. Neither of us would let it happen.”
Stella finally managed a smile. The little girl seemed satisfied with that. She wrapped her arms around Stella again, both of them closing their eyes and just listening to each other’s breathing slowing down, becoming regular again.
“I love you, Stella.”
“I love you too, Stella.”
When she finally opened her eyes, the little girl was gone. She had left something behind though. There was Cookie, lying on the ground. Stella brushed him off and gave him a quick squeeze.
No. It wasn’t right to say that the little girl was gone. She could hear her heart beating, right in her own chest.
- Scott’s Thoughts: This isn’t just my favorite story of the contest, this is my favorite short story I’ve read among hundreds of writing streams and IRL writing workshops. The writing itself is beautiful, melodic, and haunting. Certain images, such as Stella playing with Cookie, dropping it, then picking it up again, are subtle but serve to weave the story together into a coherent, flowing whole. It not only excels on a technical level with great pacing, clarity and structure, but on an emotional level as well, gripping the reader from beginning to end. Add onto that its powerful message and it’s just a perfect short story. Aerydux (a.k.a. pikapeaches) was the winner of the previous contest as well, and they’ve definitely earned their upheld crown!
#2. “Clown Show” by Nighthawk1790
Jessica walked down the park path, turned a corner, and stopped abruptly. She stared, with no small measure of uncertainty, at an ominous stone overpass, shrouded by growth and covered by green vines. Her eyes, however, focused intently on the oppressive darkness that obscured the opening beneath. If she was here for the reason she thought she was, then this dark place seemed even more unsettling.
Nearby, she could hear a cacophony of children’s voices, which provided a small measure of relief. Jessica pulled out her cell phone to make sure she was not lost but paused, mid-motion. From the shadows of the underpass, a grown man in a well-worn yet colorful clown suit stepped out of the shadows. His matching rainbow wig and a black and white smile painted on his face completed the costume. He locked eyes with Jessica, sprinted towards her, and grasped her wrist.
“You’re late!” he said.
The clown quickly ushered her under the overpass. Jessica knew, without a doubt, that she was indeed in the right place. If the clown, her dad, Alexander, bothered to look at her, he would have caught a severe eye roll. Alexander shuffled over to a haphazard collection of bags and entertainment items. Ignoring Jessica, he dug through the pile. After a few moments, Alexander unearthed a onesie clown costume and wig, similarly colored to his. In his other hand he held a pair of overly large shoes, worn, faded, and literally held together by duct tape.
She frowned at the sad items.
One of the three large red balls that ran down the middle of the costume popped off, rolled towards her, and stopped at her feet.
He held them up to Jessica, a huge smile on his face, accented by the painted one.
“You can’t be serious, Dad,” Jessica said. “I’m done wearing those.”
“Come on,” Alexander said. “I know this isn’t your thing, but I need you.”
“You said I didn’t have to do this anymore,” Jessica said. “That you only needed me today to help set-up.”
Alexander hustled over and shoved the costume into her hands.
“Well, I might not have been totally forthcoming,” Alexander said.
“I should’ve known this is what you wanted when you texted ‘urgent,'” Jessica said. “And why under this creepy overpass? Why not next to one of the hundreds of trees in the park, you know, with shade. Or even the back of your truck, like normal?”
“I wanted to keep it a surprise for the kids.”
Alexander returned to digging in the pile, and created a mess of clown items that littered the ground.
“Dad… Dad!”
Alexander stopped. He knew this moment was coming.
“What are you going to do when I leave home for school?”
“I don’t know,” Alexander said. “It won’t be the same when it’s just me.”
“You can do anything. Maybe it’s time to try something new?”
Alexander walked up to Jessica and tenderly grasped her shoulders.
“For the longest time, it’s just been us,” Alexander said. “After your mom left… I guess- When you were younger and we did these shows, you had just as much fun as the other kids. It made me happy knowing I could do something to bring a little joy into your life.”
He gently squeezed her shoulders.
“I’m not a kid anymore, Dad.”
“Just one more time, for your old man?” Alexander asked.
Jessica shook her head, but with failing conviction.
“Jess, come on. The kids are waiting.”
Alexander ran to the edge of the opening under the stone bridge, back to the outside. He cupped his hand to his ear. It was all for show as the nearby sounds of children’s laughter, at least one in tears and crying for his mother, and barely appropriate music blaring were loud enough to be heard for miles.
He hustled back over to the pile and pulled out a weathered and torn leather case. Alexander opened it. The case unfolded into a multi-tiered makeup station.
Jessica relented with a huff. She could not bring herself to disappoint the one person in her life that had been there for her, through thick and thin. Jessica knew the genuine joy that being a clown at children’s birthday parties brought her dad, despite how cringy it made her feel now.
She plopped the wig on her head, stepped into the clown onesie, and slipped her feet into the shoes.
“Fine, but this is the last time,” Jessica said. “And no makeup.”
“Great!” Alexander said. He quickly packed up the makeup case. “Now, remember, smile, and-“
“I know,” Jessica said. “Smile and have fun. Happy clowns make happy kids.”
Alexander clapped his hands, excited.
“Yes! Now, let’s quickly rehearse our routine.”
“I’ll get into character once we go up.”
“No,” Alexander said. He folded his arms across his chest. “I need to know you’re on your game. This being the last time, and all.”
“Fine.”
Jessica shook out her hands, lowered her head, and took in a deep breath. No matter how many times she performed this skit, she felt ridiculous, even though she could pull it off in her sleep. Her head snapped up with a giant smile on her face. Her eyes open wide and bright. She threw her arms out to the side and waved her hands.
“Ohhh-kay kids, who’s ready for Alex, the Happy Clown?”
Alexander got into character too, giddy, and excited. “Oh! I am! I am!”
He broke out of character for a brief second. “Don’t forget about you.”
Jessica also broke character and mumbled. “And his sidekick Ray-Ray.”
Alexander jumped back into character. “Hi, Ray-Ray!”
Jessica slipped back into her routine and snapped one hand up in the air.
“But first!” Jessica said. “Whooo’s ready to… Dance!”
Jessica launched into a well-rehearsed dance number. She pretended to dance around with a crowd of children. Alexander jumped up and danced with her. She grabbed Alexander’s hands, father and daughter dancing around in a circle. They shared a heartfelt laugh—a tender moment. Despite her outward resistance, a big part of her will miss these moments with her father.
“Hello?”
Jessica and Alexander stopped their dancing at the new voice. Jessica’s jaw dropped. Her worst nightmare just became a terrifying reality.
Radiant rays of sunlight streamed down and bathed the gorgeous and very fit young man that appeared at the edge of the underpass. Ryan, the dreamy guy she stared a little too long when they passed each other in the school hallways.
Here.
In the flesh.
And at the worst possible moment in the history of her life. He cracked a smile, which turned into a chuckle before he broke out into outright laughter.
“Holy crap,” Jessica said. All through school, she never could tell if Ryan even knew she existed, much less cared. But now, as they locked eyes, she felt her breath catch in her chest.
Jessica’s face turned as red as her hair. She snatched the wig off her head and launched it at Alexander. He caught it right in his face, throwing him off balance. Jessica took a long, distance-creating step away from Alexander as he wrestled with the wig.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Ryan asked.
Jessica shook her head, but any reply she might have offered lodged firmly in her throat.
Ryan peered up at the bottom of the overpass, deep in thought trying to place her face. He snapped his fingers.
“Jessica, right?” Ryan said. “From school. You’re part of this clown show?”
Jessica could feel sweat bead up on her palms and scalp as a little wispy wheeze of torment escaped from her mouth. She was truly conflicted, stunned that he knew her name and mortified that this was their first conversation.
“It’s, um, not what you think,” Jessica managed to say.
“No?” Ryan asked. He put his hands on his hips and cocked an eyebrow. Ryan turned his attention to Alexander.
“You’re Alex, the Happy clown, right?” Ryan asked. “Here for my cousin’s fifth?”
Alexander peeled the wig off his face and beamed. “That’s right!”
Ryan pointed at Jessica.
“And she’s Ray-Ray?”
“Absolutely! My little ray of sunshine!”
Ryan shrugged. “Then I guess it is what I think it is.”
Jessica felt a part of her soul die inside. There would be no way ever – in the history of ever- she could live this life-shattering moment down. It would haunt her dreams, following her on social media, through college and beyond. She’d land a depressing job at a cut-rate auto insurance company, destined to wither away into old age, alone and single, living in a cabin on a hill with seventeen cats.
“Well, I was sent to summon the clowns. We’re ready whenever you are,” Ryan said. He picked his way back up the grassy hill but stopped and turned back just before disappearing out of sight. He laughed again. “And break a leg out there.”
Jessica’s shoulders slumped and her head drooped.
“I’d rather face plant in a bed of hot coals,” Jessica said.
Alexander tiptoed next to Jessica, her wig in his hand. He patted Jessica on her shoulder.
“Well, it could be worse,” Alexander said. “He could have been someone you liked.”
Jessica regarded him with what could only be interpreted as a death stare of disbelief.
“Okay. Maybe not,” Alexander said. “You sure you don’t want the makeup?”
- Scott’s Thoughts: A very cute and funny snapshot of growing up. Several lines had me laughing out loud, like Jessica’s train of thought leading her to think she’s going to live alone with 17 cats. I would’ve liked a hint of Ryan earlier, so it didn’t feel like he kind of popped out in the middle there, and I think Jessica’s voice could’ve been juiced up even more in places, but overall a very fun read.
#3. “Rip” by EricaDeel
“Rip”
A traveler on the dusty trail wiped sweat from his eyes and squinted in the blistering sun. A sign hidden beneath overgrowth showed him that he was finally at the next town on his path, though it was clear that not many went this particular way to the mountains in the far distance. The town’s name was Rip, and it was famous in local taverns for being the town that “let one rip” to their heart’s content. But no one that Van knew actually had traveled there, or even through there. Just another dot on the map.
But after three straight days of travel in the middle of a heatwave that only increased during his journey, Van was ready for rest—and respite from the blinding sunlight.
When he inquired about lodging to local townsfolk, however, all he got was bewilderment.
“Inn?” one gruff man said, pushing his cart of cabbages through the street. “What’s an inn?”
“You know,” Van said, throwing his arms up in confusion. “A place where one sleeps for the night.”
The man spat a wad of tobacco into the street. “Sleep? Night? What kind of cockamamie language you speakin’, traveler?”
Van couldn’t understand it, but as he asked other townsfolk his rather everyday questions, he discovered that this place didn’t have those words in its vocabulary. What sort of town had he stumbled onto?
More and more time passed, and Van was growing more and more weary. Still, the sun blistered from high above, and the people refused to answer his questions in any kind of sensible way. So he took to the woods to camp. Being a man of the road, he was not above such endeavors. He had just hoped for a nice, soft bed.
Van followed the vegetation growing on the outskirts of town into the heart of the surrounding woods. Here, he would surely find a shady spot to rest his head. But despite the overgrown trees and bushes, the sun would not give in to give him a break.
Looking up, Van saw something truly befuddling. The sun had not moved in the sky! Hours must have passed since he entered the town—felt like days, really, said the weariness in his bones—and yet the sun was still at high noon. Nary a patch of shade existed in this forest larger than a leaf. He had before wondered what sort of town he had stumbled into—but, now, his question was, what sort of new world had he wandered into? This just wasn’t normal.
Van shook his head. Clearly his confusion was wrought by his exhaustion, nothing more. He needed sleep. A good long rest somewhere dark and quiet. That would bring him back to his rightful senses.
Walking farther into the woods, Van came to a thicket where the vegetation was more overgrown than in other places, and growing in one direction. Towards something, though he couldn’t tell what. He followed it—maybe the bushes and vines were leaning towards some fresh riverbank? Van could use a drink of cold water in this heat.
What he came upon instead was an imposing stone bridge covered with ivy and surrounded by encroaching forest. Far from town and clearly forgotten. Van marveled at it not for its man-made prowess, the precise construction of stones, nor the fact of it being here in the middle of nowhere. No, he marveled at the bridge for the one design choice that he met with tears in his eyes: A tunnel built into the underside of the bridge. Darkness.
He had finally found a place to sleep.
Van followed the creeping vines that leaned towards the spot of darkness—clearly they too yearned for a respite against the neverending sunlight. He crossed the threshold into the shadows, and it felt like another world altogether. One of coolness and shade.
One of night.
Finding a crook in the cavern to lie upon, Van closed his eyes. Bizarre connections about this strange town swirled in his mind’s eye as he drifted off to sleep: daylight only, no night? A town called Rip—not to be mocked for breaking wind, but a rip in the fabric of nature, of time itself?
His last conscious thought was to put these visions away and ponder more when he was rested.
* * *
After a time, travelers happened upon the bridge, the tunnel—and Van’s body lying just inside in repose. No matter how they tried, they couldn’t wake him.
Day after day, they returned to this tunnel, and it was always the same. Van lying there, peacefully asleep.
Supposing this was the work of some deep-seated fae magic of the forest, the people decided to leave well enough alone. For all current and future inhabitants of the town of Rip to know to let this oddity be, they rifled through Van’s belongings, found out his full name, and put up a sign on the tunnel’s entrance:
RIP
VAN WINKLE
- Scott’s Thoughts: I love the idea of a town where the residents don’t sleep, and the conversation with the local is probably my favorite part here. I wish the author had gone further with that and really explored what this world is like, letting the flavor of it drip over even more fun conversations. The ending is cute, but I’m not sure if it’s RIP as in he’s dead/they think he’s dead, or just the name of the town. It’s interesting, but I think picking a clear direction with it and pushing the reader more toward it would make it feel stronger.
#4. “The Lost Passage” by Scorpious187
It was hot. So hot the animals which normally played about in the meadow had called it quits on the day and were hiding in whatever shade they could find. The quiet meadow almost looked like a photograph due to the stillness of the wind, and even the insects were seemingly dormant aside from the occasional dragonfly or bumblebee zipping along through the field here or there.
Two intruders into the serenity of the grassland paradise broke the spell, the sounds of their feet crashing through the tall grass masked only by the chattering between them. The furry citizens of the prairie had no interest in waiting around to discover whether these intruders were friend or foe and quickly scattered away to all sides.
But the two large figures who trudged through the tall grass had no desire to harm the innocent inhabitants of this serene pasture. They were simply a man and a woman passing through, heading towards the woods on the far side of the meadow.
The walk through the field was nice aside from the heat, David mused to himself. He was from up north, where the temperatures averaged a good fifteen to twenty degrees lower in the summers. Heat and David were not friends, and the shade of their destination would be a welcome respite. More importantly, David was looking forward to being alone with the woman who walked beside him.
***
Esmee was slightly shorter than average, at 5’2”. A brunette with light brown eyes, a small elegant nose, and a sweet smile, she had enough energy to make an over-caffeinated hamster look lazy. She wore rounded thin-rimmed glasses, and dressed modestly but not unfashionably. She barely even understood how makeup worked, as she’d never had a real reason to bother with it. She wasn’t one for parties or socialization, preferring to spend her time studying scientific theories and working out complex mathematical equations. Not that she needed makeup, anyway. The natural beauty of her smile was more than enough for David. He’d been entranced from the first moment she entered his view.
Esmee’s experience had been much the same. She first met David when he moved to town and transferred to the local high school during her freshman year. He was tall, 6’5”, but slightly slender for a man of his height, which made the sport coat and slacks ensemble he was wearing that day all the more visually appealing to her. His long curly black hair was swept to the right, a few strands hanging in front of his right eye. His deep blue eyes gleamed in the bright lights of the classroom as he entered. He had an air of confidence that drew her in immediately. At first it felt almost like arrogance, but over time she realized he wasn’t that way at all. He could be brash at times, but he was never rude or mean-spirited.
However, if you asked Esmee what David’s best quality was, she would immediately say that he was a great listener. David had always been a great listener, ever since he was born. He’d been born mute, and no amount of speech therapy or medical miracle-working had been able to grant speech to him. But the curse of muteness had made their relationship that much stronger. Over the years Esmee came to know David so well she could give voice to his thoughts, and David was the rock keeping Esmee firmly grounded in reality whenever her imagination ran away with her.
***
Once they reached the far side of the meadow, they followed the edge of the woods until they found a suitable clearing next to a shallow creek. David quickly set up their picnic, occasionally glancing up to check on Esmee as she wandered about the area near their chosen little hideaway. Esmee was always exploring at every opportunity, one of the things David had come to love about her. A few moments later she called out excitedly, “David, look!”
David looked where Esmee was pointing. From where he was sitting he could make out the top of an abandoned bridge. He tried to think about any abandoned roads in the area, but couldn’t think of any that would have run past here.
Esmee turned to David with that excited look she got whenever she was about to ask him a question to which “yes” was the only acceptable answer. “Should we check it out?”
David momentarily put his thoughts aside. Her long wavy brunette hair framed her round face as she smiled at him, an inquisitive look in her eyes. Her nose twitched as she giggled, waiting for his response. David’s lips cocked into a sly grin as he got up and joined her.
When David reached her, she was looking further into the woods at a tunnel built into the side of the bridge. This tunnel couldn’t have been just a maintenance shaft or a drainage tunnel, it was too well built for that, and there were signs of recent use. A small, faded trail where the grass had been beaten down or completely worn away led out from the tunnel. Closer to the creek, a faint impression of the heel of a boot could be seen in the dried dirt. David already knew Esmee’s analytical mind was formulating multiple opinions about this tunnel. He let his face shift into a smirk as he took Esmee’s hand to lead her towards it.
Esmee blushed, her cheeks turning a deep shade of red. “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were going to pull me into that dark tunnel to do very inappropriate things with me…”
David winked at her before turning his attention back to the tunnel. They approached it cautiously. He pulled out his cellphone and turned on its light, illuminating the tunnel and the mysteries that lie within. The air here smelled of stale water and moss, yet the walls of the tunnel were smooth, the carved stone bearing no moss or signs of damage.
Esmee felt around the entrance. “It appears to be quite sturdy. Should we go further in?”
David stepped forward, his footfalls echoing down the long dark corridor. Esmee quickly followed suit. The two of them continued on silently, save for the sounds of their footsteps, for about sixty feet. David suddenly felt very uneasy and stopped, putting his hand in front of Esmee to stop her.
Esmee crooked her head to look at David. “What is it?”
David looked ahead, further into the tunnel and the inky blackness beyond the range of his cellphone’s light. The tunnel continued on with a slight downward trajectory for at least another hundred feet or so, but he felt a sense of foreboding that he just couldn’t shake. There was something here, right where they were standing. Slowly, David reached out his hand. As his fingers inched forward, a faint blue glow began to form around them, but he felt nothing. When he pulled back, the glow dissipated and the entity became invisible again.
Esmee’s expression changed from concern to excitement. “I’ve never seen anything like this before. What do you think it is? A force field of some kind? Some sort of electrical energy disturbance? Did it shock you at all?”
David shook his head, putting his hand forth again and seeing the same faint blue glow. He wasn’t sure how he noticed this strange occurrence. There was nothing on the floor or the walls to give it away. He did, however, smell the faintest smell of ozone. Perhaps that was what subconsciously alerted him to it. His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle touch on his shoulder.
Esmee was looking at him, careful not to pass the imaginary line they’d mentally made along the tunnel’s floor and walls. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.” She quickly disappeared into the sunlit woods at the tunnel’s entrance. Ten seconds. Twenty. A minute. Three. David was starting to worry that she’d fallen or gotten lost, but soon he heard Esmee approaching. She held her hands out to him, a few sticks in her left hand and some small rocks in her right.
“If you’re gonna go poking at this thing, do it with something that isn’t permanently attached to you, ok?” She grinned at him the way she always did whenever she’d come up with what was, at least in her mind, a “better” idea than he’d had. In fairness, she usually did have better ideas than David’s basic “if it doesn’t work, use a bigger stick” approach to things. The irony that hitting it with a stick was her “better” idea this time was not lost on David.
Esmee handed David a stick and a rock. He threw the rock first, which glowed blue for an instant before disappearing. David and Esmee looked at eachother curiously, then he extended the stick forward. It glowed blue around the immediate area where it was pushed through this invisible field. They both expected the stick to be cut off, but surprisingly when David pulled the stick back it was still intact.
Esmee posited, “As long as we have something tethering it on this side, it’s safe… maybe? I don’t know David, this is too strange… we should go find someone and report this.”
David looked ahead down the tunnel, then turned back to her. He touched her hand and smiled.
“David… No, don’t, it’s too–”
He let his hand slip away from hers as walked forward, his body glowing blue as he passed through. She quickly reached for his hand, the sticks she’d been holding scattering across the tunnel floor, but was unable to get a grasp before he slipped through completely, the blue glow immediately dissipating. In an instant, he was gone.
“DAVID! Oh God, David, come back!” Esmee screamed in shock, horror, disbelief… then burst into tears. She frantically looked around the tunnel, but saw no evidence of David anywhere. It felt as though everything in her world had just come crashing down around her. “David… no…”
Tears streamed down Esmee’s face. She was sure David was gone forever now; dead, absorbed into the universe, deatomized, sent into another dimension, or something else she wasn’t mentally prepared to imagine. She suddenly felt empty, hopeless, completely lost. There was only one thing left to do now. She took a deep breath and steeled herself whatever awaited her, then charged forward.
For an instant she saw a blue glow all around her as she passed through whatever this phenomenon was. Then she was in daylight as she immediately crashed into something in front of her. Something tall, lanky, and topped with curly black hair. “DAVID!!” She threw her arms around him, pressing herself into his back tightly.
David felt the hug, but was still transfixed on the scene around him. No longer were they in a dark, dreary tunnel. They now were in a vast open plain filled with tall grasses and flowers waving in the gentle breeze, the smells of roses and lilies carrying through the air. High hills with snowy peaks rose up in the distance, and a small lake stretched out along the horizon a mile or so ahead. On the far shore of the lake was a small village that looked quaint, rustic… or perhaps even medieval? David couldn’t be sure.
Esmee was still freaking out a bit as she rotated around beside him, still hugging him. “David! I’m so glad you’re alright! How could you do that??? What’s… wrong… with…”
She suddenly stopped and took in the scene around her. After a few seconds pause, she continued in a soft, trepid tone. “Umm… David? Where are we…?”
David turned to her, a smile on his face. Something was different about him. He looked more… alive, with a vibrancy that she’d never seen before. He opened his mouth, and for the first time in his life, David spoke.
“Somewhere where I have a voice.”
- Scott’s Thoughts: Cute ending and fun, developed characters. If anything, I feel like there’s too much development here, and the story could likely be cut about in half for length. This reads like the opening to a novel, which is good in some ways and negative in others for the short story format, since as the reader I’m left wanting for more. Although that can be a good thing too!
#5. “The Shady Alcove” by GuacamoleBill
A gentle breeze blew through the trees surrounding the small dark alcove where Prada dwelt. The other girls would not play here, their mothers speaking of dark forces and danger. But Edwina did not believe in those tales. Sure, the opening under the bridge might be dangerous. Light did not often break through the shadows there, and no one really knew if the depths of that darkness hid sinister creatures or hazards for the unwary. Maybe the stories that the other mothers told their children stemmed from forgotten local lore or history from just a few generations prior. Edwina’s mother did not tell her stories anymore.
Edwina stumbled upon the alcove one warm spring day two weeks past while scurrying about for a place to hide from Hazel. Hazel ruled the girls that gathered to play and romp through the trees each morning. She maintained her status through waspish comments and cutting remarks, often playing the girls against one another. This morning, Edwina bore the brunt of her despotism. Hazel began by complimenting the highlight in her hair, but then followed that by claiming said highlight distracted others from noticing the size of her ears. As the other girls laughed and piled on further insults, Edwina fled.
Edwina’s tearful flight kept her from noticing where she ran until she stumbled upon the mossy green stonework under the bridge. Several moments passed as she stared at the varied sizes and shapes of the stones cemented together to form the bridge. She noted a recess in the stonework and moved toward it with caution. As she crept slowly into the alcove that first time, she jumped at the smallest sound, feet ready to sprint away at the first minute sign of danger. But the breeze that morning felt much like the one that brushed through the hairs on her head today – gentle and smelling of wildflowers in the park nearby.
As her large dark eyes adjusted in the darkness, she made out a large shape tucked away in the corner – away from the sunlight dappling down through the leaves above. At first, the large shape frightened her, and she turned to run. But then a whisper carried out from the alcove that seemed to say “Hello. Don’t be afraid.” Edwina turned back and took a half stride forward, still ready to bolt at the slightest provocation. The large shape did not move. Upon closer inspection, the shape appeared human.
The human did not speak to her again that morning, not even when Edwina gathered the courage to walk up next to them. Edwina originally found the human rude, but after sitting in the shade of the man-made hollow she surmised that the human simply enjoyed the silence. Strangely, Edwina found that she enjoyed the silence herself. The distant bird calls and whispering rustle of the leaves allowed a calm to descend upon her. The human did not give her name, but Edwina felt that she needed one. She named her Prada due to the stitching on the small embroidered handbag in her lap. After some time, Edwina found herself chattering away to this silent human sitting in the shady alcove. Oddly enough, Edwina found that this helped her feel better.
Edwina thanked Prada for listening. When she returned back to the other girls an hour or so later that first day after meeting the human, she felt renewed. Even Hazel’s backhanded little comments meant nothing to her.
Edwina began returning to the alcove every morning to talk to Prada. Prada always wore the same dress as she sat in the shade of the mossy stone nook watching the dappled sunlight flit about the forest floor. Edwina worried that Prada might become annoyed at her and her high pitched chittering, but Prada never showed a sign that anything Edwina did bothered her. She simply sat and enjoyed the day.
Edwina came back day after day to spill forth her hopes and dreams – and occasionally complain about the other girls in the park. She even began to tell Prada the small dark secrets locked away in the corners of her heart. She whispered her wish that the other girls and their mothers would not treat her differently because of her mother’s death. She nattered about the morning sky and the way the grass felt the day after a storm. But mostly she enjoyed the quiet company Prada provided – the peace that fell over her in Prada’s presence.
After a few days, she began to bring little snacks and some wildflowers that she found while walking on her way to the park. She gently laid them beside Prada each day before squatting down next to her. Prada never ate anything she brought. She didn’t comment on the flowers. But Edwina felt that Prada appreciated them all the same.
Today, Edwina once again shared a few of the nuts and berries that she brought along as a snack for herself. She placed down a few cornflowers and buttercups that she picked in the grassy meadow next to the park. She squatted down once again and chattered away to Prada. She spoke about the small chihuahua that barked at her this morning. She shared the vituperations that Hazel and her friends lashed at her because she did not want to play tag amongst the trees. She sat and listened to the breeze flutter the leaves in the canopy above them while they watched the sunlight dance across the forest floor.
Finally, as she heard one of the other mothers calling her name, Edwina returned to her feet and stared back at the green mossy skull with the vacant eye sockets that she called Prada. She chittered her thanks for another peaceful and wonderful visit, told her to enjoy the strawberries, and promised to come see her tomorrow. A whisper on the breeze seemed to say “See you soon.” Then Edwina bunched her little legs and hurtled herself back to the park, her bushy brown tail flowing behind her in the warm spring air.
- Scott’s Thoughts: I really like the “twist” ending here, where we find out Edwina is not what she seemed the entire time. I feel like there could be more hints of something amiss throughout, like maybe having her snack on nuts, fill her cheeks with food, stealing food out of a birdfeeder, etc. — things that stick out as strange when you first read the story, but then snap together at the end. A bit more variety in sentence structure/length would make it smoother to read as well, though still a fun story overall.
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Featured image: Pakutaso