You’ve probably heard the phrase “show don’t tell” before.
But here’s the truth of the matter: that’s a bunch of crap.
In order to write a good story, you have to BOTH show AND tell, and knowing when to do one or the other can be tricky!
During the last stream, a subscriber requested that we go over when to show vs. tell in story narration.
You can watch the full video here to or scroll down to for highlights.
When to Show vs. Tell in Narration
What is Show vs. Tell?
- “Showing” is describing something the reader can physically see happening in real time, such as: “I stepped outside into the thick, burning air, my face already drenched in sweat.”
- “Telling” is describing something the reader can’t physically see happening in real time, such as: “It was hot.”
- Typically 90% of your story should be showing and 10% should be telling, using telling for necessary exposition and a few other places we’ll go over
Examples of Show vs. Tell
TELLING
- “Rabbits are fuzzy.” (A general statement, can’t specifically see a rabbit.)
- “My childhood home was nice.” (It could be nice in 100 different ways, we can’t see specifically how.)
- “The field is big and full of warmth.” (How big is it and how is it warm? Show us.)
SHOWING
- “The rabbit felt fuzzy.” (Not great writing, but it shows us what a specific rabbit feels like.)
- “One day when I was ten years old, I stepped out into my family’s ten-acre backyard and went on an adventure.” (Shows us specifically what made their childhood home nice.)
- “The neverending field of green grass blew in the fragrant spring wind, a cool, refreshing respite from the warm sun waking up from its winter’s rest.” (Shows us in real time what the field looks/feels like, even without a character present.)
REMEMBER! Telling does NOT = bad writing, and showing does NOT = good writing. There is plenty of good telling and bad showing in storytelling. They are both simply tools to use when writing.
But What About “Show Don’t Tell?”
- You’ve probably heard the phrase “show don’t tell” before, but that’s NOT actually true!
- In order to tell a good story, you have to BOTH show AND tell, they each have their uses at certain times and are both tools to use when writing
- The reason beginner writers are told “show don’t tell” is they tend to WAY over-tell, and it’s easier to just say don’t do it rather than getting into the nuance
- “Thanks to ‘show don’t tell,’ I find writers in my workshops who think exposition is wicked. They’re afraid to describe the world they’ve invented.” -Ursula K. LeGuin
When to Tell in Narration
#1. Use telling to set up a scene or give background information/exposition
For example, from The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss:
Contrary to popular belief, not all traveling performers are of the Ruh. My troupe was not some poor band of mummers, japing at crossroads for pennies, singing for our suppers. We were court performers, Lord Greyfallow’s Men. Our arrival in most towns was more of an event than the Midwinter Pageantry and Solinade Games rolled together. There were usually at least eight wagons in our troupe and well over two dozen performers: actors and acrobats, musicians and hand magicians, jugglers and jesters, my family.
My father was a better actor and musician than any you have ever seen. My mother had a natural gift for words. They were both beautiful, with dark hair and easy laughter. They were Ruh down to their bones, and that, really, is all that needs to be said.
- The author could have shown us this information by having the main character interact with his parents, having them perform at court, etc. But that would have been slower, and if it wasn’t part of the actual plot, it would have dragged on and been boring
- Instead, using some detailed, specific “telling” is a good way to bring the reader up to speed, THEN you can show us the scenes that DO relate to the plot
- When you use telling to give exposition, keep it short, don’t info dump, and make it as vivid and specific as you possibly can (ie: don’t say vague things like “My hometown was boring.” or “My mother was kind.”)
#2. Use telling to transition between scenes
For example, from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by JK Rowling:
(Scene with Harry and Gryffindor Quidditch captain Wood)
“That Quidditch cup’ll have our name on it this year,” said Wood happily as they trudged back up to the castle. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you turn out better than Charlie Weasley, and he could have played for England if he hadn’t gone off chasing dragons.”
Perhaps it was because he was now so busy, what with Quidditch practice three evenings a week on top of all his homework, but Harry could hardly believe it when he realized that he’d already been at Hogwarts two months. The castle felt more like home than Privet Drive ever had. His lessons, too, were becoming more interesting now that they had mastered the basics.
On Halloween morning they woke to the delicious smell of baking pumpkin wafting through the corridors. Even better, Professor Flitwick announced in Charms that he thought they were ready to start making objects fly, something they had all been dying to try since they’d seen him make Neville’s toad zoom around the classroom.
(Scene in Charms class)
- The middle paragraph is all “telling,” and it’s a good transition from the scene with Harry/Wood and the “wingardium leviosa” scene in Charms class
- The author could have shown us a bunch of classes/practices taking place during those two months, but that would have been poor writing
- The Harry/Wood scene is important to the plot for Quidditch later, and the Charms class scene is important to the plot for the troll fight later when they save Hermione
- But the stuff in between, the 2 months of classes, is NOT important to the plot, so it can be skimmed over with some telling
- BUT! Again, even though it’s “telling,” it’s still specific and adds to the story by showing us Harry’s emotional change
#3. Use telling to speed up unimportant parts
For example, from The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins:
(Scene of Peeta showing off his skill at camouflage from icing cakes)
“It’s lovely. If only you could frost someone to death,” I say.
“Don’t be so superior. You can never tell what you’ll find in the arena. Say it’s actually a gigantic cake—” begins Peeta.
“Say we move on,” I break in.
So the next three days pass with Peeta and me going quietly from station to station. We do pick up some valuable skills, from starting fires, to knife throwing, to making shelter. Despite Haymitch’s order to appear mediocre, Peeta excels in hand-to-hand combat, and I sweep the edible plants test without blinking an eye. We steer clear of archery and weightlifting though, wanting to save those for our private sessions.
(More general telling about their training until Katniss’s private session)
Back in the center of the gymnasium, I take my initial position and skewer the dummy right through the heart. Then I sever the rope that holds the sandbag for boxing, and the bag splits open as it slams to the ground. Without pausing, I shoulder-roll forward, come up on one knee, and send an arrow into one of the hanging lights high above the gymnasium floor. A shower of sparks bursts from the fixture.
It’s excellent shooting. I turn to the Gamemakers. A few are nodding approval, but the majority of them are fixated on a roast pig that has just arrived at their banquet table.
- The author could have shown us the scenes of Katniss/Peeta at each of the stations, but that would have been poor writing
- The camouflage scene is important to the plot later when Peeta disguises himself, the other stuff they do is just basic skills, and showing the reader all of them would’ve bogged down the section
- We already know that Peeta is strong, and we already know that Katniss is good with plants, so showing those scenes would’ve been boring
- But! When it comes to Katniss’s private session, then we need to go back to showing it in real time, since it’s so important to the plot
Summary of When to Show vs. Tell in Narration
- Show scenes that are important to the plot, tell parts that are needed to set up those scenes, transition between them, or that are unimportant to the plot but necessary for the story
- Remember, too much showing can be a bad thing, it makes it harder for the reader to understand what is important, and it can get too slow/boring
- You don’t have to write, “I stand up from my chair, put one foot in front of the other until I reach the door, then grasp the handle and push open the portal into the four-walled dimension of nourishment.” You can just write, “I went to the kitchen.”
After that, we wrote a story using both showing and telling that had to use the past three words from Merriam-Webster Word of the Day: “fraught,” “dilapidated,” and “apocryphal.”
Here’s what we came up with: (the first paragraph uses all three words and is all telling, and the rest of the story is all showing the interactions between the characters)
Down on Cherry Street, a real estate agent was trying to sell the dilapidated old Mason house, the one fraught with misfortune, by using apocryphal stories as a marketing device.
“This house was actually blessed by a Sumerian monk when he came to visit Wiltsburg here,” she said to the curious couple as they stood in the driveway. “The monk was starving, and the family living here offered him food and shelter for the night, and well, you know how the story goes from there!”
“Uh, not really,” the husband said, cocking a confused eye at her.
“Yeah, what happened?” the wife asked.
A single strand of salty sweat dripped down the realtor’s face right into her smiling teeth. “Oh, you know. The usual blessing stuff. I’ve heard their exotic gods really get the blood boiling in the bedroom, if you know what I mean!”
“No, I don’t know what you mean,” the husband said.
“Yeah, what are you getting at?” the wife asked.
The realtor wrung her hands together and then started playfully pumping her fists in front of her like two crossed swords. “Well, let’s just say your love life will turn into love… for the rest of your life!”
“I think we want to see other places,” the husband said.
“Yeah, and maybe get a different realtor,” the wife added.
The two of them stepped back to the car, when the realtor reached out and cried for them to stop.
“No, please, wait! Okay, you got me. The story about the Sumerican priest… it’s not totally true. Yes, there was a priest that came. Yes, he blessed their house. And yes, he really got their blood boiling in the bedroom. But…”
“But what?” the wife asked.
The realtor took a sad, deep breath before finishing, letting her arms flap dejectedly by her sides.
“But then the couple sliced him to pieces using kitchen cleavers, before impaling themselves on knives on their bed.”
The couple stared at the realtor, not saying anything. All she could do was shrug.
“I’m sorry I tried to spin the story in a nicer light,” she said, covering her face with her palms. “Honestly, I’m just really desperate for a sale. Nobody’s been buying in Wiltsburg for months now. And here I am, crying in front of you two. I swear to god, I told my therapist that this was going to happen and—”
“We want to take a tour!” the husband announced.
Slowly, the realtor released her face from her hands.
“Wait, what?” she asked.
“We love houses with a good murder history to them,” the wife said. “Our last house, the father went crazy and shot all four kids and his wife with a shotgun. Sometimes, late at night, if you closed your eyes, you could still smell the blood of the youngest one in her bedroom!”
“Are there still stains where they killed the priest?” the husband asked. “If there are, then we’ll likely make an offer today.”
The realtor stood up straight, put on her best elevator pitch smile, and straightened her blazer.
“You’re talking to the right realtor, because when it comes to Wiltsburg, I know where all the dead bodies are buried!”
Be sure to check out the video if you want to see more, and if you want a dramatic reading of the story!
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you join us on Twitch.
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
Featured image: PAKUTASO