“I do not employ anyone I’ve had any sexual relations with.”
During the last stream, since we had special guest Abbey joining us, we decided to do a prompt we’ve done before: write a story using random sentences from Fifty Shades of Grey.
The last few times we did this prompt it was a lot of fun, and this time was no different:
Watch the video of us getting the prompt
and reading the final story here, or scroll down to read it.
Here’s the four randomly-chosen sentences we had to use:
- When you fly at night, you fly blind.
- Kate always manages to ensnare men.
- He’s charming the pants off my dad.
- I do not employ anyone I’ve had any sexual relations with.
Here’s what we came up with: (with the four sentences bolded)
When you fly at night, you fly blind. That’s what Brother Bear said to himself as he streaked naked through the darkness, finally free from his familial and Earthly burdens.
It’d been a month now since he’d joined the Clan of the Bear Alls, a group devoted to rejecting everything humanity had thrust upon them. For too long, animalkind had been subjugated by the soft, pink apes, unnecessarily emulating their strange ways. Wearing clothes, owning homes, playing soccer, worrying about internet trolls.
Bears were meant to live in the wild as majestic beasts, kings of the forest, not fluffy pets used to teach lessons to the children of flesh-apes.
Brother Bear prowled through the woods, the light of the clearing ahead calling to him. When he clawed his way through the leaves, he was met with a familiar sight, the same that he’d been a part of for the past several meetings. There was a group of animals, mostly bears but also foxes and skunks and birds, all dressed up in nothing, in their natural state, standing around tonight’s catch.
In the center of the clearing was a human man, his leg caught in a bear trap. It clasped around his ankle, sinking in its bloodthristy jaws and dying his pants a deep red. He sat there, gripping his leg, seething spit through his clenched teeth as the animals encircled him with wide, hungry eyes. Our leader, the bear named Kate, walked over to him on all fours and sniffed the sharp, iron-tinted air around his wound.
Kate always manages to ensnare men. Every week, without fail, she traps another male human to offer up as a sacrifice to the god of nature, Hrelumm. For too long, we bears have worshiped at the altar of humanity instead of the true guardian of our souls. But now, the divine Hrelumm would be given his due, with the years missed made up for in blood.
The human man cried and whimpered in his unnatural tongue. Brother Bear and the others had striven to forget the language of man, forced upon them by their old masters. Now, they were free and only spoke the language of nature, a language that had just two words: life and death. And it was time for this man to learn the word for death.
The circle of animals encroached upon him, growls and drool spilling from between their bared teeth. Brother Bear’s heart pounded within him, far more than ever before. More than the time when he first went to school, or had new neighbors, or had to visit the dentist, or…
“Brother Bear!” came a familiar voice from behind. “Stop this! Stop this insanity!”
Even though the words were spoken in the forbidden human tongue, they had an animal accent to them. The group of ravenous beasts turned their snarling maws to see who dared interrupt them, Brother Bear included. But when he saw who it was, his anger burned into embarrassment.
It was Father Bear, standing there with hands on his hips, dressed in his usual overalls and felt-brown hat. He was glaring right at Brother Bear.
“We’ve been searching for you for months now!” Father Bear said. “All over Bear Country. Never would I dream of finding you with these… these heathens!”
Brother Bear didn’t know what to do. The group of animals, his friends, began turning their hatred toward Father Bear instead. As much as Brother Bear was glad to be away from his old life, he didn’t wish any harm upon his family. It wasn’t their fault they were still brainwashed by the humans!
As the group snarled and bared their fangs at Father Bear, he braced himself and stood his ground. Brother Bear began to panic. He needed to make a choice immediately: stand with his clan, or protect his father.
Until the music came from behind.
It was a sweet, natural tone, like newborn birds singing their first cries. It caught the attention of all the animals, and they were temporarily stunned as they slowly turned around to see the human man in the bear trap, playing the Holy Flute. The Flute that had been made from the bones of previous human offerings and carved with the lore of the First Bears, now played with the lips of the bloodied flesh-ape before them.
How the human had gotten ahold of the Holy Flute, Brother Bear had no idea, but the effect was immediate. It was always played when initiating a new member into their group, to finalize their rebirth into their new life, as they both symbolically and physically shed their human-laden shells.
And now, this human, he’s charming the pants off my dad.
As the Holy Flute played, Father Bear’s pupils grew to the size of his entire eyeballs. He slowly stripped away his overalls and threw his hat into the brush, then collapsed onto all fours and ran at the man, snarling and howling praise at Hrelumm.
Mercifully, the man didn’t last very long. Within two seconds, he was torn to pieces, strewn about the clearing that the other members of the group ran toward and started lapping up and gnawing on. Brother Bear was so distracted by seeing his father do this that he just stood there on all fours in shock, not knowing what to think. He was happy to see his father no longer a slave to the humans, but it hadn’t followed the proper procedure. It was always Kate who had played the flute for the newcomers, would Father Bear’s soul find its way to Hrelumm’s neverending hunting grounds in the afterlife if it was now so tainted?
Someone else walked up next to Brother Bear and stopped. It was Kate herself, the leader who hadn’t so much as looked Brother Bear’s way since his initiation, was now brushing right up next to him, as if they were kindred spirits.
This was all part of my plan, Kate spoke to Brother Bear in the language of nature. It was the only way your father could be initiated.
What do you mean? Brother Bear asked, trying to keep his composure and humility intact in front of his leader. Kate gave a low growl of a laugh.
Well you see, I do not employ anyone I’ve had any sexual relations with. I needed someone else to play the flute for your father. Or should I say… my ex-lover.
Kate’s words washed over Brother Bear like adrenaline from a fresh kill, and he immediately understood what she was saying.
You’re my real Mother Bear? he asked her.
She didn’t reply, letting the moon’s white reflection in the blood coating Father Bear’s fur answer for her.
Be sure to check out the video for reactions to the prompt, see some different ways it could have gone, and get our thoughts on the full story!
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you join us on Twitch.
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
