Have you ever written something and cried your eyes out, only to share it with someone else and they don’t have the same reaction?
What did you do wrong? Why didn’t they have the same emotional response that you did?
Maybe your sad story was missing one of the four crucial steps to make your reader cry!
During the last stream we went over the 4 steps to make your reader cry. Of course it’s a bit more complicated than just 4 steps, but they help summarize the process nicely.
After going over the 4 steps, we wrote a tear-jerker of a story together on stream, and chat came up with some AMAZINGLY sad stories of their own.
See the process here (including me crying on camera!),
as well as chat’s incredible stories.
Here’s the 4 steps, using examples from Hunger Games and One Piece:
1) Make us care about the character (START)
- Hunger Games: Rue reminds Katniss of her sister (the whole reason she’s in the tournament), Katniss sings to Rue at night
BAD VERSION: Rue is just another teenager who joins up with Katniss (we wouldn’t care as much) - One Piece: The Going Merry is the crew’s ship, it has a sheep figurehead making it feel alive, but eventually the ship breaks and is no longer usable
BAD VERSION: Merry is a generic boat with no personality; it doesn’t break, the crew just decides on a whim to get a new one (we wouldn’t care as much)
2) Make them go through a difficult journey (RISE)
- Hunger Games: Together, Katniss and Rue take down other fighters in the tournament
BAD VERSION: Katniss and Rue don’t accomplish anything together, they just hang out - One Piece: Merry goes on one last trip by itself to save the crew when they’re in peril
BAD VERSION: Merry sits the plot out and doesn’t do anything
3) Make the “sad thing” something innately human/relatable (CLIMAX)
- Hunger Games: Rue is killed by another competitor in the tournament
BAD VERSION: Rue catches an artificial disease and becomes a wombat (sure, Rue is gone, but it feels weird) - One Piece: Merry is given a viking funeral and goes up in flames
BAD VERSION: Merry flies away into the sky (sure, Merry is gone, but it feels weird)
4) Don’t tell us it’s sad, show us with other emotions such as comfort, anger, joy, etc. (FALL)
- Hunger Games: Katniss sings to Rue as she dies, she’s mad afterward
BAD VERSION: Katniss bawls her eyes out over Rue and is completely inconsolable, cannot fight - One Piece: Merry tells the crew it was so happy and just wanted to go a little further with them
BAD VERSION: Merry cries along with the crew and they all tell each other how sad they are
After going over the 4 steps, chat voted that we write this story using them: A soldier has to mercy-kill his best friend in the battlefield.
Here’s what we came up with:
The only thing Billy had going for him in high school was his skill with a baseball bat. And out here in enemy territory in the hot desert, both of us decked in army gear, that was why he was so beloved.
“Hey! She’s safe!” Billy yelled with a smile. A dark-skinned girl dressed in rags had skidded into a flour bag marking second base. She shot to her feet with a grin.
A month ago, none of the kids spoke a word of English. Now they knew “safe,” “out,” and of course their favorite: “home run.” Billy’s daily baseball games had done more to secure peace in the area than any drones ever could have.
Billy was from a broken home, the forgotten kid in the back of the classroom nobody cared about. What brought us together was a love for the game, which we always played together long after practice ended, so Billy didn’t have to go home.
The man didn’t have much, but what little he did have he was always willing to share. And now, he was sharing his love of the game.
“Karim!” Billy shouted, pulling down his umpire mask. “You’re up!”
A boy walked up to bat. He only used one hand to grip it, though.
“Hey, buddy,” Billy said. “You should probably use both—”
BANG!
With his free hand, the boy held a smoking gun to Billy’s bleeding chest. He raised the firearm up, screaming something in his native language that made the children yell and flee. Billy pressed his hand against his heart, peeling it away covered in red stickiness, before he collapsed to the dusty ground.
I reached for my own weapon by my side, but the boy had already fled. The same call he’d shrieked before was now coming from all directions. We’d be overrun with rebels any second. I had to get Billy out of here!
“Please,” came Billy’s raspy voice from the ground. “I don’t want them to get me… and I want you to escape.”
I immediately knew what he was talking about. It was something we’d discussed before we even shipped out, something we both hoped would never have to happen.
“Please…” Billy gasped from the ground as the rebel cries grew louder.
My hand shaking, I pointed the gun at Billy. He smiled through bleeding teeth.
“Just promise me,” he wheezed, “that you’ll still teach the kids how to play.”
Bang.
As you can see, we used all 4 points in this story: (1) We make the reader care about Billy by making him a real person, not generic. (2) Billy goes through a difficult journey trying to help the kids in the enemy country. (3) The main character having to kill Billy himself is horrifically human. (4) The fact that Billy dies with a smile, and still wants to help the kids, is what breaks our heart the most.
While the story may not have made you cry, chances are it at least plucked the old heartstrings. If we’d given ourselves more room to work with (we limited ourselves to 400 words only), then we could’ve padded it out a bit more and made it really hit home.
So if you’re having trouble getting the right emotion across to your reader, keep the 4 steps in mind and see where they take you!
After that, chat voted that we wrote this prompt: “So I bit him.” Since we were low on time, we just wrote some very short stories.
Here’s what I came up with: (And definitely check this one written by Capricy from chat too!)
He gripped me in both hands and looked at me with hungry eyes. It was the gaze of someone who had been starving for so long and expected me to satiate him.
Sure, we’d been spending the last few minutes together, and he seemed like a nice guy, but that didn’t mean I wanted to go all the way with him. He buttered me up nicely, spreading me around, and filling me up with tasty things. At first, I even kind of liked the feel of his strong fingers wrapped around me.
But then he closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and I did not want any part of that.
I was a sandwich with dignity! Made with the finest deli meats, alpine lace cheese, and fresh, crisp lettuce with real mayonnaise—none of that imitation crap. I wasn’t just some ninety-nine-cent pre-packaged turkey club at the grocery store, no thank you!
He pressed me against his lips, so I bit him.
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you. We stream on Twitch every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday at 6:30pm-10:30pm (U.S. Eastern Standard Time).
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
Scott Wilson is the author of the novel Metl: The ANGEL Weapon,
forthcoming March 2019.
Featured image: Pakutaso