“This veal is so raw I can hear it bleating!”
“Is that a cake or a backed up toilet?!”
Let’s roast some images of food that YOU submit, Gordon Ramsay style!
During the last stream, a subscriber requested that we write some scathing reviews like Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.
Chat came up with a bunch of awful looking food, so we spun the wheel and did each of them one at a time, starting with:
#1. DIY tomato soup made with ketchup, coffee creamer, ruffles
ME
This soup is the second ugliest thing to ever come out of your mother.ME
Oh yes, I can really taste that pinch of pepper you put in there. Like little dead flies in a swimming pool of child urine.COZYROGERS
Are you… are you filming this right now? Am I on YOUR show?JOE_G89
I hope the coffee creamer you used was Half & Half. Because you are half sick and half insane.HENRY7898
If we mixed in some vodka and a whole bunch of spices… this would be flammable enough you could burn it and start over.
#2. Japanese natto
ME
Well, I always try to keep an open mind, so I guess I’ll try it. Wait, what? You want me to eat the beans? I was okay with trying the plate, but I’m going nowhere near that snot rocket!JOE_G89
The secret ingredient to this is sinus infection.ABISENSEI
For when you want to taste the smell of a wet dog but also work on your stomach cultures.HENRY7898
Someone will eat this. Natto meCOZYROGERS
You sure you didn’t already eat this?
#3. Hawaiian pizza
ME
What America did to the Hawaiian Kingdom wasn’t bad enough… now you’ve got to do this too?JOE_G89:
You order Hawaiian pizza when your taste buds are confusedCOZYROGERS
What is this? A hotpot challenge?TOTESCOAX
My taste buds are just as confused as the chef.
#4. A plate of burnt noodles/chicken
ME
Oh, is this a traditional Christmas meal from your house, where Santa always left you f*cking coal?!ME
I think the few brown noodles on the bottom that survived wish they were dead.HENRY7898
Technically got the CARBON part right in carbonaraALYXVIXEN
Napalm is not a cooking oil. You do realise that?ALYXVIXEN
I asked for it well-done, not cremated.JOE_G89:
Did you have to excavate this fossil of a meal?COZYROGERS
You know you can change the temperature on the stove, yeah?
#5. Poptarts du Fromage
ME
This is the meal a sad child makes when they’re at their dad’s house for the weekend, and he promised to be home with pizza at six, and now it’s eight-thirty p.m.ME
When your wife’s boyfriend is coming over for dinner so you gotta break out the fancy food to impress him.ALYXVIXEN
When the relationship hinges on you trying your partner’s new dish.ALYXVIXEN
When you said you had a dessert that was savoury but sweet, I imagined something else.”JOE_G89:
If this was the last meal I had to eat before my lethal injection, I’d tell them to hurry with the injection.
#6. Rice Krispies but with Cheetos???
ME
You do realize your mother never cooked these for her children that she liked, right?ALYXVIXEN
Did you find this recipe on the 7th page of the Necronomicon?JOE_G89:
The only thing louder than the crunch of these Cheetos, is the gun Chester is using to end his life.
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you join us on Twitch.
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
