How do you hit that sweet spot to make your reader feel like they’re really holding that cat, eating that pie, sticking their toes in that peanut butter?
Let’s discuss then practice writing some descriptions that ooze off the page!
During the last stream, a subscriber requested that we write descriptions to make the reader feel certain sensations.
One of the toughest parts of writing well is finding the balance between describing too much, and describing too little
For example:
“The cat jumped into my arms, and just from feeling her, I knew I had to adopt her.”
– This is too little description, WHAT are you feeling?“The cat jumped into my arms, and when I felt her orange-and-tan fur lightly brush against my arms, sending a combination of a chill and shock of delight and warmth through me, making my eyes burn as if she were a furry magnet sucking the tears right out of them, I knew I had to adopt her.”
– This is too much description, overwhelming the reader“The cat jumped into my arms, and when my fingers spilled through her fur like a fuzzy ocean, unlocking warm tears from behind my eyes, I knew I had to adopt her.”
– This is more like it, a better balance
- Whatever it is you want the reader to feel, hit them with it hard, and aim for that sweet middle spot
- You can do that by being specific, unique, and vivid in your descriptions…
- … which is not easy, but that’s why we’re practicing!
Here’s what we wrote for each sensation, as suggested and voted on by chat, with some of my favorite sections bolded:
Sensation #1:
A place you grew up in (eg. a childhood home, or your elementary school), when you revisit it as an adult.
Me:
Seeing my childhood home there, still on the street I’d grown up on, even just ten years later, felt like finding an old, dusty toy in the attic. Vague memories of it being so important that I’d cried over losing it, but now that I’d found it again, I only shrugged and moved along.Me:
It’s weird to imagine, your childhood house having a life after you moved away. Kind of like that ex you broke up with, they were supposed to just disappear as you moved on to a new school, new friends, new relationships. Then you see them again, ten years later, all dressed up in ways that you’ve never seen them before — new shutters, new windows, a backyard porch. Their life went on. They grew and changed without you.Joe_G89:
Back at my old elementary school, I stomped like an anxious giant. Heart beating fast, my legs quivered with each step. My eyes grazed above the lockers, finding new spots for the first time. My old classrooms, my second homes, were so easy to locate because you never forget.AlyxVixen:
Returning to my old stomping grounds was strange, the school was gone. As was the old house. Now just an empty lot, filled with hollow memories.cozyrogers:
There it is, my mother’s old home. The one in which I was raised. Everything exactly as it had been, yet different. A doghouse in the bare patch next to the fence, now without dog. A creaky old rocking chair on the porch beneath the window, now without creaky old gran. A little boy’s face peering curiously down from the second story window; a boy who isn’t me. I’m the stranger in my yard.mythos_monkey:
I went to college for a year and had to come back cause my dad got sick with pneumonia. As I walked through my hometown I felt out of place as if I was a brood parasite. I felt as if I no longer was a part of the world I once knew. I was smothered by the place: forced to take the shape that the people around me remembered but one that was no longer mine. As if I was a hermit crab forced to wear a shell that was too small for me.TheMidianite:
It was an awkward feeling not of nostalgia, but the emotional memories echoing like a projection with no screen.cozyrogers:
Felt like that balloon from my fourth grade birthday party had just re-inflated in my chest.
Sensation #2:
The mind-numbing stress of being poor as hell.
Me:|
You know that one-dollar apple pie from 7-11 is the worst possible thing you could be eating right now, but you also know it’s the only thing getting you through the end of your Uber shift. Money comes into your phone, then gets sucked right out by a thousand hungry snakes, and if even one of them doesn’t sink its teeth into a few juicy bills, it’s going after you. Leaving behind scars, scabs, reminders not to dare sleep in again. The apple pie makes it all not itch and bleed, just for a few sweet seconds.LewisReach:
I woke up to my windows being frozen over. The one good thing about living out of my car in the winter is at least I get a bit of privacy in the otherwise exposed parking lot. I can still feel the toil of the cold gripping my body’s strength by the neck, the pressure slowly increasing by the day. I cough, and swallow my phlegm. I reach into the back seat and grab my collection of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and canned vegetables. I eat a little bit slower today, partially because of my lack of strength, partially to curb my growing gag reflex. My breakfast finished, I put some fresh clothes in my backpack and head into the subway restroom to wash off my stink and change. I am desperate to not let my poverty show on my face.AlyxVixen:
I look up at blue skies, stained with tears. Sitting on a cold grey slab that mirrors my soul. My stomach as empty as my pockets. Quietly praying for a few coins to come my way.mythos_monkey:
There was a choice to be made. I do not know if my parents could decide. I and my little sister both had issues that needed to be addressed. My sister needed a nephrectomy. I needed to get my cracked and infected tooth fixed. But our parents only had enough to get one of us taken care of at the time. A difficult choice. But I am the older sister. So I hid my pain. Kept it secret. Made it out to be less because I knew my sister’s issues were more important.cozyrogers:
Just put one foot after the other, and you’ll make it. You’re special. You can be anything you want to be. Just go to college. Feel free to ask questions, but not the wrong ones. Can’t pay? That’s normal. Nobody else can either. Don’t worry. Just take a loan. Can’t pay it back? Sorry, I’ve got other students to attend to now, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Get a job. Get two or three. Don’t waste my time. Contribute to society. You’re worthless. Goodbye.nighthawk1790:
Maybe the stress has something to do with knowing no matter what you do or how hard you try, you can’t get out of being poor. The soul-crushing reality of knowing that you’re helpless to make things better.Joe_G89:
You are a minimalist, but not by choice. You have next to nothing and yet still struggle to smile everyday. You open the fridge and find the same food. Ketchup, mayo, rice and beans from 4 days ago. It’s all you’ve been eating. Sometimes you have fantasies of a full fridge, only to find out you’re dreaming. You have one outfit but since you’re a hermit, you stay in your underwear because you don’t have the money to wash the only clothes you have.TheMidianite:
I was a rat in a maze where each turn was a dead end with the smell of a prize just out of reach beyond the walls.
Sensation #3:
The feeling of social anxiety in a room full of people at a networking event.
Me:
Better talk quick. Push yourself into the conversation. If you miss this chance, you won’t get another! Be funny. Be smart. Be anything but yourself. Spread the smile like lipstick and don’t ever stop being interesting. If they turn away, if they frown, if they say “hey!” to someone else and walk away, that’s it, you’re done. All your hard work, shattered by an “umm” that was a half-second too long, or a question about a recent development that you hadn’t heard about but the guy next to you did. You should’ve prepared more. You should’ve tried that joke you rehearsed in your bedroom instead of just walking away. You should’ve studied harder — this is the only test that would ever matter in life.nighthawk1790:
I had only just walked into the room when I saw the gaggle of people engaged in various conversations. My breath immediately caught in my chest. I could feel, simultaneously, the sweat form on my palms, and my bowels demand to be emptied – even though I only just left the restroom. Not a minute in the room, drained of energy, and wanting this to be over. I hadn’t even talked to anyone yet.Joe_G89:
Every cell in your body screams to leave. Around this many people, you forget to breathe. Don’t look anyone in the eyes because that can be too threatening. All you can think about is what all those other people are thinking about. You. Judging everything about you. You’re weird. You’re awkward. Why are you even here? You don’t belong here or anywhere else. You try to talk to somebody after mustering as much courage as your body can build. But you mumble and they walk away like it never happened.AlyxVixen:
As I stepped into the boardroom, I felt like a pigeon surrounded by falcons. All of them staring at me, wanting a piece of my flesh. Their talons reaching out towards my hand, fake smiles and pleasantries flowing from their razor sharp beaks. No room to spread my wings and fly, knowing any of them will snatch me down and end my dreams.LewisReach:
Now I know, Multilevel network marketing events are created in the fiery depths of hell. Everyone is outwardly polished over until their faces gleam with the nothingness of an abandoned soul.TheMidianite:
It was loud and lonely, where every eye was on you and at the same time ignoring you.
Sensation #4:
The feeling when you’re not sure if you have enough in your bank account to cover your current hospital stay.
Me:
Beep. Beep. Every beep of the heart monitor, another ten dollars gone from my account. Beep. Beep. Another hour I would have to work just to get back to the miserable situation I was in before this. Beep. Beep. Another sharp fragment of hope extracted from inside me with tweezers — beep, beep — placed in a bag of hazardous materials and slipped down a chute to incineration. Beep. Beep. I wish I could just pay with a kidney. Beep. Beep. But that would just add to the surgery costs on my bill.
Sensation #5:
Your high school crush hugs you for the first time.
Me:
Their arms wrap around you tight like a lifesaver ring in the middle of a storming ocean. In that moment, no matter what other anxieties are raging on, a warm bubble of safety surrounds you and you can’t help but smile.Me:
When she squeezed me, I turned into one of those games that you test your strength on, and she sent my little metal ball shooting all the way to the bell at the top where it wouldn’t stop ringing.AlyxVixen:
His arms envelop me, holding me within that warm embrace. My sorrow melting away with that moment of joy. Pulling me close, keeping me safe from the darkness I was dwelling in. Allowing me to be me again.nighthawk1790:
Every day passing her in the hallway, daring a chance just to engage her in something resembling a real conversation. But my courage always seemed to fail. Then it happened. She stopped me in the hall. A smile, bright on her gorgeous face. We didn’t share any words, only a quiet, private moment. She slipped her arms around me and I melted in her tender embrace.mythos_monkey:
It was a caress like the warmth of a fire on a summer night. The smell of lavender wafted around us as she embraced me. My own arms came up to encircle her as she thanked me for the gift. A lightness filled me. The spark in my heart flared up into a bonfire. Her hug kept me up that night with elation. I feel I could dance all night. A storm of hope and joy washing away the desert of angst within my mind. It was such a small thing. That hug. But to me it was worth more than diamonds and rubies.Joe_G89:
Her dark curls caress your face and wrap you in comfort. Your anxiety and nerves cease when she notices you. Everyone ignores you, but she hugs you. And for a long time, you think she gives the best hugs. You don’t want to admit it but you like her hugs more than the hugs grandma gives you. She’s the shower of sunlight in a freezing cold winter.LewisReach:
I can’t look at him, it is all I can do to not run as fast as I can down the hall. I clench my fists and blurt out like a walrus. “I like you!”Silence. I decide to count to three before I give in to my urge to run. “One, twooo, thr..” Suddenly I feel his arms around me. Suddenly, all the anxiety, all the palpitations that were about to land me as the youngest person to die of a heart attack, they immediately were blasted off with more force than a supernova. Launched further than the edge of the universe, leaving only a core of newly formed gold and light.
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you join us on Twitch.
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
Top image: Unsplash