It’s time to go to Sunday School.
Let’s get some random Bible quotes and use them to write short stories together!
During the last stream, we wrote short stories based on randomly-chosen quotes from the BIble.
Watch the process here or scroll down for the story.
Here’s the random passage that chat voted on:
(Luke 12:38) It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the middle of the night or toward daybreak.
Here’s what we wrote:
It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the middle of the night or toward daybreak. Or at least, that’s my feline-sophy when it comes to human subjects.
Perhaps that is why it took so long for my new attendants to release me from my undue imprisonment. My previous kingdom had burned down in a “freak” cat-astrophe, and I was a monarch without a domain.
Even though new peasants came daily to beseech me and offer their territories, none were worthy of my presence. I swatted them away, insulted that they would dare pet my fur with their grimy hands. This lush mane of mine, descended from the pharaoh cats of Egypt, and the majestic Norwegian forest cat-gods and goddesses that roamed this earth as their own. None stood worthy of the whiskers on my left cheek alone.
But one day a smarter human came to have an audience with me. Instead of groping my fur or insulting me with childish cooing, she presented me with a gift: a tube of churu, creamy salmon with tuna, a high-class indulgence for a being of my stature.
I chose her. With a soft flick of my tail and a dignified purr, she seemed to understand her role as my new servant. Within minutes, I was wrapped in a luxurious blanket inside my own private carriage, and chauffeured to my new lands to rule. My previous territory had been quite spacious, with ample views of the outdoors, so I expected this new location to be even more grand than the last.
Which is why when I was delivered inside, I could barely mew from shock and horror. This land was barely the size of my old litter box! Only one story, no stairs, and but one small window that overlooked mere concrete and stone.
Alas, this was my due justice. The cat-gods of yore had deemed me unworthy of my previous riches, and now I had to prove my cat-iber to them in order to regain what I had lost.
Thankfully I knew a thing or two about statecraft. A good ruler is not defined by the expanse of his territory, rather by the hearts of his subjects. I would become a firm yet just ruler of these lands, and turn it into the greatest kingdom that would even make the gods meow.
Step one was a survey expedition. What good is a ruler if he is not cognizant of what his domain has to offer? A true king always gets a lay of the land, lest he lay his head on the executioner’s block.
It did not take long to discover the highest point in the area: a massive white monolith erected in the tiled-floor division. Not as tall as the shelves I was fond of previously, but it would suffice. A few quick dashes across the ground and a bound up its smooth surface, and I could see everything this Kingdom was, and everything it could become.
For now, it wasn’t much. Just a few rooms and middling human fare: a couch, a table, the usual strange devices they gained pleasure from. Thankfully the human herself made no shrieks nor wild grabs at seeing me atop my throne. She merely complimented my climbing skills, and recorded my image with her “smart” phone.
Yes, capture this moment, the beginning of my eternal reign! Tell them to declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. Spread the word to the peasants: the king has returned.
My scouting complete, I sauntered over to the furniture. Its wooden legs too smooth, its blue cushions too plump. No, this would simply not do!
I let loose with my claws, scratching the emblem of my ancestors into its side. It felt good to dig deep into the meaty flesh of the wood, transforming it from mere couch to monument.
My artwork had only been halfway finished when a sudden distasteful wetness slapped against me. I howled in displeasure and saw that it was the human herself, wieling the unholy magic of water, squeezing the devil’s liquid from a cursed weapon-bottle of sorts. It burned as hellfire upon my fur.
I could but only flee the assault upon my person, screaming for the human to stop, until I found sanctuary under the bed. Perhaps I had been wrong in judging this human worthy of my presence. Although my previous servant did insist on the witchcraft known as bathtime, until I made him understand through the power of nighttime claws.
I waited in safe agony until the impurities had dried from my fur. The footsteps of the human walked across in front of me, but I paid her no heed… until the smell hit me.
The human put a bowl in front of me, filled with some sort of dry, hard substance. Its smell was oddly pleasant, despite looking like mouse droppings. Perhaps it was some sort of bait to suss out the creatures so I could go on a romp of a hunt?
Slowly, I peeked out from under the bed, sniffing the bowl cautiously. The human crouched down to my level and smiled at me, then made a strange motion with her mouth, as if she were going to consume the bowl’s contents, but her lips made no contact with the food.
Then she gave me a push, and it dawned on me, the horrible truth of what she desired. She wanted me to devour this abomination of food! This travesty of culinary garbage! I would not be so insulted as to even use it as my litter box.
With a swat of my mighty paw I sent the bowl crashing across the floor, spilling its disgusting contents all over the crouching human’s face. Take this drivel back and give me chicken! Tuna! Churu tubes fit for a king of my potential!
The only thing the human gave me was a shriek, and a toss back into my carriage. A coup! An insurrection! What had been my private transport was now a prison cell. I could only pray to the gods that I would not be returned to the purgatory of that feline gulag.
My prayers were long. Hours passed in that cell, as I watched the human clean the garbage food, scold me as she walked past, and finally the sun set outside the small, single window. When she released me from the cage, I didn’t leave. I would not give her the satisfaction of thinking I was under her control. I could’ve left that cell anytime I’d wanted!
Night fell, but I still didn’t move. I was too busy planning my revenge. This human needed some serious training. It looked like I was going to have to invoke the nighttime claws earlier with this one than expected.
Under the cover of night, I snuck out of the cage and crept into the human’s bedroom. She was tucked away under the covers, thinking she was sleeping in safety. Little did she know it was time for the most important test of her life.
I softly pounced on the bed, readying my paw of claw and order. It is a well known law of nature that one must assert one’s dominance whence enthroned, lest one’s subjects grow… unruly. And now I would officially make this human understand the extent of my power.
But as I crept toward the sleeping human’s face, my paws dug deep into the soft plushness of the blanket. Its warmth spread through my toes, an unexpected tingling I had never felt before. My previous subject had not had such luxuries, and this cloudlike softness beneath me needed something. It needed… to be kneaded!
I made biscuits on that bed as I’d never baked before. The plumpness of the blanket was dough and I was the rolling pin, beating it into submission. Just as I would have this human and her domain submit to me!
…tomorrow, perhaps. For now, this bed was very, very comfortable. The rest of my body followed my paws, and sank into its warm, cozy depths.
A true king must know every nook and cranny of his domain, after all, and this one required fur-ther research.
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you join us on Twitch.
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
Featured image: Pakutaso