“And” is a word that can easily bog down your writing without you even knowing it
We use it so often that it can be easy to miss, but it can make your writing feel flat, fatty, boring, or read like a list
Thankfully it’s an easy fix! All it takes is a little… murder.
During the last stream, we went over how to kill the word “and.”
Similar to how we went over killing the copula before, using “and” sometimes is fine, but overusing it can lead to bland writing. Forcing yourself to stay away from it is the writing equivalent of lifting weights.
You can see the full exercise here,
or scroll down for the quick outline.
Killing “And”
- Sometimes “and” is necessary, but in most cases cutting it makes your writing stronger
- There are two main types of “ands” that we can kill: the “list ands” and the “connective ands”
- So let’s take a look at some ways “and” can be scrubbed out from our stories!
The List “And’s”
A List of Items
- “On the table was a pair of scissors, a half-drunk glass of chocolate milk, and a remote control with no batteries.”
- It feels like a downward slope, with the ending hitting you like a blunt club.
- Cutting the and: “On the table was a pair of scissors, a half-drunk glass of chocolate milk, a remote control with no batteries.”
- Going further: “A pair of scissors. A half-drunk glass of chocolate milk. A remote control with no batteries. What the heck those three things were doing on the table, I had no idea.”
A List of Actions:
- “Out of nowhere someone leaped at me from the shadows, and without wasting a second, I grabbed the milk off the table, thrust it in front of me, and covered my assailant in chocolate liquid.”
- It feels so slow, with everything given the same emphasis.
- Cutting the and: “Out of nowhere someone leaped at me from the shadows. Without wasting a second, I grabbed the milk off the table, thrusting it in front of me, covering my assailant in chocolate liquid.”
- Going further: “Out of nowhere someone leaped at me from the shadows. I only had a millisecond to react. My hand reached out for anything to fight back with, but all it grasped was the glass of chocolate milk. That would have to do. With my fingers wrapped around its cold, smooth surface, I thrust it in front of me, sending chocolate liquid splashing through the air all over my assailant.”
A List of Descriptions:
- “My assailant was actually a little girl no older than ten with blond pigtails, pink skin, and a green dress soaked in chocolate milk.”
- It feels like the author is just picking random things to describe, rings hollow.
- Cutting the and: “My assailant was actually a little girl no older than ten. Everything, from her blond pigtails to her green dress, was—thanks to me—now soaked in chocolate milk.”
The Connective “Ands”
“And Then”
- “Tears welled in her eyes, her bottom lip trembled, and then she threw her head back and let out a scream that could’ve curdled milk.”
- Both words are usually unnecessary together, cut either “and” or “then” or rephrase
- Cutting the and: “Tears welled in her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled. She threw her head back, letting out a scream that could’ve curdled milk.”
“Capital ‘A’ And”
- “It was at that moment I realized I needed to get out of there. And fast.”
- You rarely need to start a sentence with “and,” cut it.
- Cutting the and: “It was at that moment I realized I needed to get out of there. Fast.”
“Something and Something”
- “Today had been full of craziness and surprises. As I stumbled out the door, I felt a rush of excitement and whimsy. Breaking into people’s houses and touching their stuff was much more fun than I’d expected it to be.
- It is far more impactful to describe something one way instead of two.
- Cutting the and: “Today had been full of surprises. As I stumbled out the door, I felt a rush of excitement. Breaking into people’s houses was much more fun than I’d expected it to be.”
Be sure to check out the video for some more great examples that chat came up with! All of this isn’t to say that “and” is always bad, but it’s important to keep in mind that sometimes it is, and to identify those timess when editing. Be open to other options you have while writing besides just using “and!”
After that, chat voted that we write a story using these three randomly-chosen TV tropes: (1) and now you must marry me, (2) mucking in the mud, (3) womb level.
Here’s what we came up with:
The princess had thousands of suitors, each one more boring than the last. They would come up to her, hundreds at a time, apparently hoping that just by their sheer numbers alone she would have to pick at least one of them.
But alas, not a single suitor had so far been able to crack through the princess’s outer shell. This was, of course, her plan all along. The princess had laid traps on the way to her castle: a mucky swamp, a thick bubbling bog, and finally a whirlpool of quicksand.
She’d expected the number of suitors to dwindle by the time word got around about the obstacles she’d set up, but if anything they only increased, seemingly by the millions. Thankfully, none of them made it past all three deathtraps, as the princess watched them writhe in agony from the top of her squishy castle.
Until one day, when the princess was sipping tea in her high tower. The door to her chamber burst open, revealing a suitor in his full-white outfit, not a single scratch or smudge of swamp gunk anywhere on him.
“Prince!” the princess cried, dropping her teacup to the fleshy, veiny floor. “How did you get past my traps?”
“Easy,” the prince replied, showing off his white teeth and moon-pale skin. “I just went around the back side. There were no traps there!”
The princess swooned. Finally! A suitor with a brain. Even though she’d set up the swamp, bog, and quicksand, all of them were only on one side of her castle. If any of the princes were smart enough to just go around them, rather than try to swim right through them, they could’ve gotten to her easily. But up until now, not a single one had.
“I’ve passed your test, princess!” the prince declared, his long squiggly tail wiggling behind him. “Now you must marry me!”
And so the prince and princess were married. As with tradition, the prince burrowed into the princess’s body, then melted away into a puddle of liquid, turning them both into a tiny little fetus.
And that’s how babies are made!
If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you. We stream on Twitch every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the YouTube channel or watch the full stream reruns.
Hope to see you next time, friend!
Scott Wilson is the author of the novel Metl: The ANGEL Weapon,
now available!
Featured image: Pakutaso (Edited by me)